Break free from trauma bonds. Codependency, narcissism, attachment styles, victimhood, people pleasing. Nima Rahmany. Episode 73

What a liberating conversation on patterns of co-dependency and narcissism. What it is, what it isn't and how to break free from trauma bonds and victimhood.

What is named bad behaviour is really learned mechanisms to keep oneself safe. Attempt to palliate anxiety. When you understand the mechanism behind peoples behaviour, you get out of the pattern of feeling like a victim to it. 

In any relationship we so easily point our fingers at everyone else. They are at blame, not us. They are bad people and we haven't done anything wrong. Or?

It turns out that codependency and narcissism isn't so far apart. That codependency in fact is a covert narcissism, people pleasing in order to be liked by everyone. Calling themselves empathetic, when in fact they claim they know what people think, feel and need, instead of asking. Often trying to fix peoples feeling, instead of letting them feel whatever they are feeling. 

Empathy on the other hand is asking questions and allowing people to feel and be in whatever they are in. A codependent cannot stand anyone feeling bad and feel responsible of fixing them. Taking on their feelings as their own, because they are not in contact with their own feelings.

Codependency and narcissism are two reactions to the same wounding. Also a codependent person will be the narcissist in every other relationship, meaning, the codependent is also the narcissist and opposite. 

Codependents are people pleasers, giving up who they are to be accepted, liked and loved. They unconsciously expect others to do the same and expect love, appraisal and acceptance in return for their behaviour. They often feel taken for granted when they do not get what they seek from their surroundings. 

Narcissists have a more grandiose behaviour. It seems they are high on themselves, when in fact their self esteem is just as poor as the codependents. They brag about themselves to get approval and attention, while really they are very judgemental of themselves.

Both are results of the same childhood wounding of not being see. Two different strategies to get attention. 

 

 

Relationships between codependents and narcissists activate two core triggers; the wounding of fear of abandonment and fear of consumption or feeling overwhelmed.

 

In order to create secure relationships, we need to rapture and repair and get into healthy feminine and masculine where dominance/ leadership and submission comes from a place of meeting oneself and the other person. 

 

Nima shares his knowledge of how to use somatic work and polyvagal theory to break free from trauma bonds. 

 

You can read more about Nima here:

https://drnima.com/ 

 

This episode is edited by Simon Lynau.

 

You can read more about me here:

https://magefolelsen.com/ 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/therese-fallentin/ 

 

Make yourself a good day.